Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
