tell your sister to shave her snatch
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
