just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize