She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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