i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
