he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize