i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
