i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
