i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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