I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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