Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
