i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
