Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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