6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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