For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
