Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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