I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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