mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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