If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
