so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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