Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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