You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I can text with my tongue
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
