my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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