you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
