Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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