Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My ass is underappreciated
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
