Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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