I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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