all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
