You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
