I wish I could teleport
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My balls are so social today.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
