I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
