he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
