everyone is single if you try hard enough
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
