oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
