I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
