She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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