I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
