Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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