I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
PANTIES FOUND
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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