She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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