just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
