So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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