This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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