Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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