so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
