I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
