How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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