haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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