great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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