Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
