It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
