would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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