Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
