I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
