in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I did not marry a roomba.
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