Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just had sex on a roof
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
