Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
