I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
