I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There r osticjed everywhere
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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