Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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