What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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