the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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