Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
