Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
