That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
