Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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