I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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