Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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