At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
so much tequila, so little girl.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize