I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am one with the molecules
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
