Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
is wine microwaveable?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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