I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize