Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
