rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize