At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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