Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
