Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
