I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
