i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
